FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kanack attack...

man im kanack attacking..im tired...

in my interview one question is what quality do you think is the best that you have?

i said patience..

now i must believe my own patience...

oh good lord..i am hanging out at my sister's place and am watching korean soaps for the first time....damn it's addicting..anyone seen "happiness" haha..it's rather good!!lol

i feel numb...sometimes i wish emotions wouldnt' get in the way...but unfortunately....i can't get everything i want..

i find some music video's pretty friggin dumb...i mean if i wanted to see these people faces over and over again singing the song...then i'd just look ath the inserts in te cd's while i listen to your song..geez..how bout tell a visual story in your music video..

note to women..

men have feelings too...dont forget that....sometimes even though we hide it...it's almost as much as you have..

The risk of Love

saw this on my friends myspace..thought it was rather true...



The Risk of Love

There is a risk involved in everything
Every time you share a smile
Every time you shed a tear
You are opening yourself up to hurt.

Some people tread slowly through life,
Avoiding the closeness risk brings,
Side-stepping the things they can't understand
Turning away from those who care too much,
Those who care stay too long,
Those who hold too tightly.

There is never an easy way to love
You can not approach it cautiously
It will not wait for you to arm yourself.
It does not care if you turn away
It is everywhere, it is everything.

Love is the greatest of all risks.
It is not reliable, it is not cautious,
It is not sympathetic
It is unprejudiced and unmerciliess.
It strikes the strongest of mind,
And brings them to their knees in one blow.

Even in the best of times, love hurts.
It hurts to need, it hurts to belong,
It hurts to be the other part of someone else,
Without either of your consent.
But, from the moment it overtakes you,
It hurts worse to be all alone.

The risk of love never depletes;
It grows stronger and more dangerous with time.
But, it's in the total surrender of all defense,
That we, no matter weak or strong,
No matter willing or captive,
No matter what, we truly experience love.

Despite the many things love is not,
Outweighing it all are the things that love is.
Love is surrender without a loss.
It is a gift without the cost.
It consumes your every thought & desire,
Every breath you take.
It is the fire that fuels you
To do more than pass through life;
It urges you, instead, to live.

No matter the outcome, having felt love,
You will never be the same.
It may scar your heart & soul
And Leave you only memories of forever.
Or, it may cause every day of your life
To feel like there is no need for tomorrow.
But, love is worth it. It is worth the risk...

For in all of life,
Love is truly the only risk worth taking.

i love translations..

i dont use this word...it's pretty derogatory..but lol..i couldn't resist...

this myspace/facebook abstention is pretty difficult..lol...

FOR THE SAKE OF SCHOOL I MUST ABSTAIN!!

what happens at death...

at death, you will be remembered for the great things you have done to touch others, to ease their pain in life..not for things that you have acquired or how comfortably you have lived in life....this is what made my tear up a little..realizing this..

observations at a funeral...

i amaze myself sometimes...

the last couple days has been uneventful with the random friend run in's and interview shoe buying escapade..but today i went to a funeral of my grandpa's brother. i amazed myself because i actually yes...almost cried...

it made me think throughout the whole day why i ended up being so emotional over his death. i mean after all, like the rest of my elder family, none of them spoke english (and my chinese is horrible)..but i think what affected me the most was the fact that this was the person that brought over the lam/lee family all to america...he sponsered everyone of us to come here...and i guess what made me sad was that this great and unselfish person passed and i think it reminded me of my dad...i'll continue this later...im getting tired...

thank you....

thank you yasha for the nice comment before..it's uplifting...and on that note i wanted to make a dedication out to all my close friends...without you i am nothing but a leaf in the wind....but when you guys are with me.....and i fly in the wind...we make loud noise together..and that company is well appreciated..=)..or else who would know when leaves pass by??

what reminds me of my friends...well as whoever is reading...i've been going through a DECENTLY but not tremendously hard time in life..much of my hard times has passed...but in my daydreams of the day..i thought about a few of my close friends.....

derek: i thought about it...i think derek will probably be my best man in my marriage...although he is whooped with his gf....i have always been able to count on him to stand by me in every time of need..he has taught me so much in being patient (because as all you who know him..he is turtle like in pace) i think without him i wouldn't be here today, because of his everylasting support i bow to you..*bow*

caroline & anna: holly crap am i lucky to have these hotties by me all the time, heads turn and it makes me feel like such a man to have you two women around..but then again it isn't the looks that make me so happy to be their great friends.....it's the support they give me...they are my ajama's (my old lady friends)...i met them through POST, which is a study group that we have, and after our group dissolved, we were the only three to be really close and to keep our friendship...come on....this is why i got a blackberry....to keep in contact with anna and caroline more..=)

diane: wow....if anything i think derek caroline and anna combined is what diane is to me...we have known each other through thick and thin.....for more then 15 years...and she has seen me through ALL ..i mean ALL my hardships and times....if you want to know more about me...but dont want to talk to me, go to her....she is my left arm that i can't cut off without hurting myself....

it is through these friendships and so much more..that i will never give up.....i love you guys..and THANK YOU for your everlasting support and everlasting love for me...

i was supposed to go otu tonite but good thing i didn't because ir ealized i had last minute errands i was supposed to do and my mom pulled a fast one on me and told me to wake up early tommorow to drive everyone around..but i went to walmart to get a card for another funeral that hit close to my heart the other day.....and in retrospect i was thinking about the person that passed.....and her husband....i knew this couple for about three years through the cancer camp i do every year...and the one thing i remembered about her is her love/passion for the kids/and to help, and her love for her husband....and then it hit me....wow...writing a condolence letter to someone that loved his wife with every piece of his heart...i mean if u saw these two...they were 75+..and you could feel and see love radiating from both of them......and how do i write a letter to someone that lost his love.....i dont think i would bear to be able to handle the pain that he is suffering.....i wish that they had that ending of notebook together....wher ethey died together.....because from hundreds even thousands of miles away....i can feel his heart crying...how sad...

life is amazingly depressing sometimes..

it is amazingly weird that life can turn around so quickly.......but i think it does have to do with your outlook in life....i think im going to dedicate this entry to my dog taz...i love my dog because his love is everlasting...no matter what happens in my life..he always manages to show me love that is limitless...


so yea, anyway...i just learned a couple things today that made me sad and it suprised me how an exciting thing like getting an invitation for an interview for med school can be turned around by an abusive relative towards another...*sigh*.....there are other things running through my head too..that tend to exacerbate the situation but those who know me well will know how normal that is for me.....anyway..im going to sleep early.....and im gonna eat another oreo...

lost by michael bublé

listening to this song made me tear up a bit....i've listened to this song at least more then three dozen of times, and i've always thought it talked about a lost love or something...but as i watched the music video i realized what it really talked about and it made me emotional..

crap...i felt emotional because i realized how many people go through this problem and that they dont know that they aren't alone in their problems....that they need to just stand up and open the door to see this...

i wish michael bublé made more of his own songs, he mainly does remakes..but this new cd he had two new songs...at least two that i know of which was this one..lost and the second one...everything.....

lyrics are gold...and as you listen to both lyrics...it is awesome......it's so romantic for everything..and for lost..it's so touching ...geez..here's the video fo the second one..although i believe the video could be alot better..the lyrics are awesome..